You know, I'm not exactly sure how to say this.
I would first like to apologize. I'd like to apologize for my reaction to finding out what you had said and for the noiseyness that you are claiming I have. I may apparently do things to people I don't realize(Which you have told me several times) But you need to understand, how can I not do them if I don't realize I do them?
You're the only friend I've had who's ever said I was selfish or a bad person, all my other friends adore me and that's because I cherish my friendship. I still find away to check up on you even if I have you currently blocked on facebook. Now realize that our friendship turned sour, not because of my problems with MF, but because of the lack of trust I had in you.
I find this very adult like of me-By the way...
Sure I want things to be better, but honestly, I don't think they ever could. You tell me I shouldn't tell you how you feel, when you lie to me just to apparently make me feel better. It doesn't feel better, it makes me trust you less and assume more. I like to think of myself as a good person, I really do and it kind of stings to know I let our friendship get to the point of where it is now, but either way, you probably are doing fine without it anyways.
This is just pointless rambling, so let me explain myself. I didn't trust you and honestly that's not really your fault, it was just all the lies and assumptions and blame that you had put on me. Now don't say you didn't, because well... You did and I read about it in your blog. Remember: "Even when you blocked your blog, I still found a way to read it because I CARED". I think the last two words are pretty crucial.
I care a lot for my current relationship and I'm glad you haven't stepped in, I didn't think you'd be the type of person to ruin someone else happiness anyways. At this point, I could care less about materialistic objects, like my video game, but I've offered to mail you back your object and I still haven't gotten an address. I know you gave it to me once, but I lost it and asked again and never got it. I can't explain how I feel about this whole situation, just realize I don't hate you. I don't hate anyone. I just choose who I want to be around and I felt like our friendship was a bit unhealthy. It wasn't meant to last. I'm sorry you feel the need to say certain things, but you shouldn't. It doesn't effect or bother me, I've grown past that and even you know, I don't get upset at name calling.
I'm a happy person; I'm going to remain happy and I'm not an earlier you, I don't have any of the same habits you do. I've told you before that I dislike being mean and even though I didn't intend for this post to be mean, I still feel like it is.
One thing you said to me, I'd like to thank you for it.
"He wouldn't go after me, I wouldn't be good enough."
"You are more then good enough, he'd like you in a second, he just hasn't met you yet."
Thank you.
Vague sound of rain
pierces through my song again
but I get distracted by the way his toes move when he plays
so I let it burn
I just poured my heart out
there's bits of it on the floor
And I take what's left of it and rinse it under cold water
And call him up for more
And I say baby, yes I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely
And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me
And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too
He said I'm sorry
so sorry
I'm sorry
so sorry
He grabs my wrists
as my fingers turn into angry fists
and I wisper why can't you love me, I'll change for you
I'll play the part
And I say baby, so I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely
And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me
And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too
He said I'm sorry
so sorry
I'm sorry
I am sorry
Sorry- Maria Mena.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Everywhere I Go/The Book Of Eli
For once. For once, I have planned out a post. This post will consist of two subjects, "The Book Of Eli" and the rest will be of personal use entitled "Everywhere I go" The subject change will be separated by a bold line with the new title next to it. I apologize for anyone reading these posts, I realize they have been inconsistent and often skip around a lot. I will try my best to not let that happen and to still get my point across. Whoever is reading, thank you.
Now I really thought about this. I don't want to be tied down unless I'm ready for that sort of thing, but I just found it incredibly interesting how my Uncle's illness disappeared and my Grandmother tied that to her faith.
I have Rosery, a Saints bracelet, a model Crucifix, all of these things are in my room in some place and I've never taken them down because well, I don't feel like I should. I feel like I should represent my heritage and be proud and safe by it and that's what confuses me.
I don't really know how I feel about that. Sure I have confidence in my Martial Arts and frankly that has NOTHING to do with my titles or state championships. I know that if I were attacked, I'd defend myself to the death protecting whoever and myself, sure. A weapon? I just don't think of myself like that, I mean is that what I became? A weapon? Is that what's going to happen to me? I'm just going to fight and win until the day I die? What about art?
I have no idea why my mom is getting angry with that.... I'll just have to let it play out and see where I go with it.
The Book Of Eli.
Now, the movie has gotten mixed reviews. Some people called it a waste of their money or a waste of "An hour of my life" I am not one of those people. I honestly thought the movie was beautifully filmed and taken to a different world completely. I tried watching the movie while I was doing homework when someone recommended that I shouldn't and that I should pay full attention to the movie or it wouldn't mean anything. So I took a personal day on Wednesday and did just that, perfect advice.
The film follows Eli, a survivor of a new era in which the world is burned and scarred. Throughout the movie he is shown to be fully capable of defending himself and saving others as long as he stays true to his path, now what exactly is this path? You notice Eli has been reading a book along his journey which you later find out to be the Bible. It turns out that the world was taken into a war in which the result was a hole in the sky being opened and the sun burning everything in sight. Only those who hid underground were the one's that would live to breathe a new day. Obviously this is referencing a third world war, nuclear attack and a hole in the o-zone layer.
Anyways, religion was thrown out of the picture right after war took place, people blamed Religion and made it their business to find and destroy every piece of literature pertaining to Religion itself, i.e The Bible, etc.
Eli has in his position a King James Bible and throughout his journey he comes across the dictator of a small town known as Carnegie. Carnegie has the complete urge to find and obtain any Biblical source, not because he want's to destory it, but because he himself wants to read it and remember his childhood. The movie ends with Carnegie getting the Bible only to find out it is all in Brail. Eli himself was the new King James Bible, having memorized everything in it himself you realize he is a religious figure. He verbally dictates the teaching of the Bible to a man who has made it his life to find literature for the new world order, itself being the first Bible now in the world.
I'm pretty sure I didn't really detail my description enough, but honestly there was too much to even think about writing and I'm sure I'd pretty much butcher it anyways. The filming was. Amazing. The acting was. Amazing. Mila Kunis (Meg Griffin, Jackie from "That 70's show") Played her first dramatic role and was. Amazing. The concept. Amazing. Everything. Amazing. It was not. Was not. A waste of an hour and fifty minutes to me, if anything it opened my eyes to a new experience.
I realized I should get more in touch with my heritage and what it relates to with Religion, or I should study. I just want to know more about it in general and I don't really know how to obtain that. So I contacted my grandmother and this is what she said.
"Well Douglas, you're of Catholic decent, but that has nothing to do with it. All the Religions are incredibly beautiful and I find them to be outstanding, I just found Catholic to be the beautiful one for me. Now I pray to six saints before I go to sleep, but there is one specific Saint that I pray to every night, he in a sense is our family saint. Saint _____. Now there's a reason behind this, your Uncle Ray when he was born had a very very bad type of illness. He as in infant had five pounds of water weight and we were told he wouldn't survive. I prayed to that Saint and then one day his illness just disappeared. Your uncle has lived a beautiful life so far without serious illness and you yourself have witnessed that. He spoils you and treats you as his son. Now, if you want to come over once a week, I can teach you what I know, but remember, you were baptized so you are a Catholic even without your communion, but if you begin your study, you can't give up. You'll never be able to marry in a church without your communion."
Now I really thought about this. I don't want to be tied down unless I'm ready for that sort of thing, but I just found it incredibly interesting how my Uncle's illness disappeared and my Grandmother tied that to her faith.
I have Rosery, a Saints bracelet, a model Crucifix, all of these things are in my room in some place and I've never taken them down because well, I don't feel like I should. I feel like I should represent my heritage and be proud and safe by it and that's what confuses me.
The Book of Eli in a sense kindled the want to know more about my heritage and more about what my Grandmothers Religion has done to influence her life and my family's.
Everywhere I go
Tuesday at Martial arts was a toughie. I had to teach and then my Sensei taught the last class of the night and what a work out that was. At the end of class he was talking about building warriors and I knew it was coming.
"Doug, this kid was weak when he first came. I'd yell at him and he'd cry, I'd flick him, he'd cry. Now look at him! I can break a 2 x 4 on this kid and he's not even 18 yet! This kid is a machine, he'll keep going and I made him that way! If there was war in the streets, sure I'd be ready to snap someones neck, but I'd want Doug right there with me, because out of all the people here, I know I could count on him to protect himself and everyone else. He. Is. A. Weapon."
I don't really know how I feel about that. Sure I have confidence in my Martial Arts and frankly that has NOTHING to do with my titles or state championships. I know that if I were attacked, I'd defend myself to the death protecting whoever and myself, sure. A weapon? I just don't think of myself like that, I mean is that what I became? A weapon? Is that what's going to happen to me? I'm just going to fight and win until the day I die? What about art?
My Sensei has gone to the point to ban dance, or art from me at the Dojo. I'm not allowed to do any of it or discuss it with anyone. Not to mention there was a point on Tuesday where we were doing a technique and he called me out and said
"You're losing your kicks because of dance."
I'm losing my kicks? That has nothing to do with dance, not to mention didn't he think I was terrible at dance anyways? I'm so confused, every thing I do is a bit twisted in the dojo currently, I'm either wrong or wrong or very wrong when it comes to my Sensei but as soon as my mom walks in he immediately puts his arm around me and goes
"This is MY boy".
My mom in the car was furious, she's very fed up with that family for some reason.
"His Boy, HIS boy? I should've said 'No, he's MY boy'"
"Mom... It's okay."
"No it's not, you're MY boy!"
I have no idea why my mom is getting angry with that.... I'll just have to let it play out and see where I go with it.
Things have been happening lately and honestly, I think they're highlights. I got cast in Cabaret(Third year in a row) and the cast was shortened. I knew I'd get in, but there's always some sort of small thing in the back of my mind that fills me with doubt JUST in case I happen to not make the cut. I'm proud of myself and glad I made it.
Now here's the big thing. I'm in a relationship. How wonderful and amazing is that?
"If you stop looking for someone, they'll eventually find you."
This is so true, we happened to stumble upon each other and honestly... I can't get enough. They're one of the greatest things in my day and I love spending time with them, they make me incredibly happy. They're sweet and smart and caring and ugh, time flies by with them and I never get enough. I'm not allowing. Not. Allowing. Any outside force to stop or hinder my relationship and they agreed as well. I'm just glad they took the leap and kissed me or we would never be where we were today. They just put a smile on my face. When I'm with them, my heart picks up very quickly and they even noticed.
"Mr. Heart beat..."
I don't just put that in my poetry, you know.
"I love when I can hear your heartbeat."
Had to be the most sensual, adorable thing I'd heard. It was amazing and I'm glad I have them. We're going to continue to be happy together and nothing is going to change that.
I'm apparently a very optimistic person if you didn't notice!
Adieu------- Sayonara!
Monday, September 13, 2010
To build a home.
I have a lot to say... Well I did... Wow, I'm starting to forget it.
Here's some bullet points so I won't.
Patience.
Bioshock.
College.
Thoughts.
So BioShock. The whole theme behind both games is "Utopia." Humans found a type of slug, extracting the DNA and making a compound that can cause mutation and physical powers, now they placed these powers in an enviroment under the ocean called "Rapture" where only the Genius' can survive. Needless to say the "Adam" as they called it, became a source of money, greed and power and the "Eve" the powers created from "Adam" caused genetic mutations in the citizens, Rapture fell apart. The hero takes over trying to save the small girls known as "Little sisters" who extract "Adam" from the dead bodies of "Angels" (mutations).
The video game is beautiful, the artistry is amazing and the music is all late 40's radio. It's so great. Now, the concept is amazing to me. How even with the smart, the most civilized, the most prepared people in the world, greed still took over. They still lost. "Utopia" the "Garden of Eden" still fell to the greed of man. It seemed like such a beautiful concept and amazing theme to say to the world "Stop trying to make things perfect, let God make the choices" Honestly, with technology and cloning, sometimes I believe that statement. Some things shouldn't be tampered with, no matter how far it would send us into the future, it would always still end up in destruction and the end of some sort of civilization. Think, most video games, movies, books, are based off of it. Fallout(series), Bioshock(series) Mass effect(series) The Road. The Last Book in the universe.
Anyways, what made me want to go on that tangent is this: I used to write short stories, well not really. I tried writing novels, would get bored or something would come up and I would have to stop instantly, I would forget my work and before I could do anything about it, I lost it all(when my computer crashed in October.) Even if I didn't begin writing, I had outlines written on where I would start the story and where it would go, instantly enough, I have poems that could be related to a lot of the outlines. The poem "Everything A Human has" I wrote one stanza a long time ago, finished a few weeks ago. That's fine, but I had an outline from freshman year.
A villiage created to be perfect begins to have mishaps. People begin verbally attacking each other and blaming who took what or who made who disappear when the big shocker happens: A house vanishes. The town is in total shock as the two story home is discovered later on with everything in tact, but a different color. People discovering this begin to die, their strings being cut. The house was painted by it's creator, the man making a little villiage out of small puppets in his own basement.
The actual outline was completely different, but you get the picture. Those people, were just toys to a "God" someone who controlled their lives. My teacher loved the outline, I just never got around to writing it.
Anyways, the outline I found was a new version of Adam and Eve(Kind of), but in a sense that corruption took a new form. I forget everything else, I only found that sentence. I wish I knew what I was talking about.... Ah, I remember. It was the Garden of Eden, talking about how Utopia could easily be destroyed. That concept now has been so overdone, but no one sees the pattern. Utopia, it'll never exist. As humans, we have flaws, without them, we are not ourselves, we are not human. Listening to the second through fourth track on my little playlist to the right made me think of this even more.
Why do I feel like I need to build my own Utopia, a little world where everything is perfect around myself. I'm not saying now, what I'm saying (quoting a song lol) When I'm an adult, what will I do? There is no place I call a home, this is a place where I build a home. Now, you don't have a home, which everyone experiences some time in their life. I took this a lot deeper than I wanted. For the longest time, I kept saying "I'm not going to be like my dad, I'm going to be a good father. My spouse will love me and we'll never be seperated." I'm saying all this because I in fact am afraid. I'm afraid I won't be strong enough to be a good father, to be a good lover and to build my home, so in fact. I'm making this a sort of Utopia in my mind. That has to stop. I will be a good lover, not because I want too, but because if I am with someone, I am with them. I would never hurt them and that isn't just because of my "caring and nuturing" personality. My children, even if I am their step-father or something, I will never physically harm them, never in my mind would I do such a thing, I would love them as my own.
I have no idea why I wrote this. It doesn't make sense. Blaaaah. I need to stop watching weird movies!
But above all. I will build my home.
Here's some bullet points so I won't.
Patience.
Bioshock.
College.
Thoughts.
So BioShock. The whole theme behind both games is "Utopia." Humans found a type of slug, extracting the DNA and making a compound that can cause mutation and physical powers, now they placed these powers in an enviroment under the ocean called "Rapture" where only the Genius' can survive. Needless to say the "Adam" as they called it, became a source of money, greed and power and the "Eve" the powers created from "Adam" caused genetic mutations in the citizens, Rapture fell apart. The hero takes over trying to save the small girls known as "Little sisters" who extract "Adam" from the dead bodies of "Angels" (mutations).
The video game is beautiful, the artistry is amazing and the music is all late 40's radio. It's so great. Now, the concept is amazing to me. How even with the smart, the most civilized, the most prepared people in the world, greed still took over. They still lost. "Utopia" the "Garden of Eden" still fell to the greed of man. It seemed like such a beautiful concept and amazing theme to say to the world "Stop trying to make things perfect, let God make the choices" Honestly, with technology and cloning, sometimes I believe that statement. Some things shouldn't be tampered with, no matter how far it would send us into the future, it would always still end up in destruction and the end of some sort of civilization. Think, most video games, movies, books, are based off of it. Fallout(series), Bioshock(series) Mass effect(series) The Road. The Last Book in the universe.
Anyways, what made me want to go on that tangent is this: I used to write short stories, well not really. I tried writing novels, would get bored or something would come up and I would have to stop instantly, I would forget my work and before I could do anything about it, I lost it all(when my computer crashed in October.) Even if I didn't begin writing, I had outlines written on where I would start the story and where it would go, instantly enough, I have poems that could be related to a lot of the outlines. The poem "Everything A Human has" I wrote one stanza a long time ago, finished a few weeks ago. That's fine, but I had an outline from freshman year.
A villiage created to be perfect begins to have mishaps. People begin verbally attacking each other and blaming who took what or who made who disappear when the big shocker happens: A house vanishes. The town is in total shock as the two story home is discovered later on with everything in tact, but a different color. People discovering this begin to die, their strings being cut. The house was painted by it's creator, the man making a little villiage out of small puppets in his own basement.
The actual outline was completely different, but you get the picture. Those people, were just toys to a "God" someone who controlled their lives. My teacher loved the outline, I just never got around to writing it.
Anyways, the outline I found was a new version of Adam and Eve(Kind of), but in a sense that corruption took a new form. I forget everything else, I only found that sentence. I wish I knew what I was talking about.... Ah, I remember. It was the Garden of Eden, talking about how Utopia could easily be destroyed. That concept now has been so overdone, but no one sees the pattern. Utopia, it'll never exist. As humans, we have flaws, without them, we are not ourselves, we are not human. Listening to the second through fourth track on my little playlist to the right made me think of this even more.
Why do I feel like I need to build my own Utopia, a little world where everything is perfect around myself. I'm not saying now, what I'm saying (quoting a song lol) When I'm an adult, what will I do? There is no place I call a home, this is a place where I build a home. Now, you don't have a home, which everyone experiences some time in their life. I took this a lot deeper than I wanted. For the longest time, I kept saying "I'm not going to be like my dad, I'm going to be a good father. My spouse will love me and we'll never be seperated." I'm saying all this because I in fact am afraid. I'm afraid I won't be strong enough to be a good father, to be a good lover and to build my home, so in fact. I'm making this a sort of Utopia in my mind. That has to stop. I will be a good lover, not because I want too, but because if I am with someone, I am with them. I would never hurt them and that isn't just because of my "caring and nuturing" personality. My children, even if I am their step-father or something, I will never physically harm them, never in my mind would I do such a thing, I would love them as my own.
I have no idea why I wrote this. It doesn't make sense. Blaaaah. I need to stop watching weird movies!
But above all. I will build my home.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Hello Beautiful
Right now, that urge to go outside and scream just came back.
I wish, I wish so badly that I knew the answer, I wish I had the courage, I wish, ugh I so wish, I could help.
I wish I could say everything I've wanted to say, I wish I could express why I love this song so much. I wish I could stop thinking altogether. I WISH... Well, I'm not going there.
Wishing, we do it so often and sometimes I don't know what the deal is, but lately, I've been wishing a lot. I feel like in a sense one of my wishes is coming true and then I'm unsure. I'm so unsure because the other part of the wish hasn't fulfilled what needs to be done for this wish to occur and I don't want to try to fulfill it because... Well honestly, I think that would complicate things and WE ALL KNOW how the definition of Doug is "complicated". I wish it wasn't. I really do. I don't even know what I'm typing, I'm just typing and it's... It makes me think this complicated thing is dumb, it makes me want to forget it and get rid of it and then the other part is telling me to pursue and to take the first few steps. Gosh, I'm dumb.
My heart is beating quickly.
Its steadiness starts continues very fast.
Every little beat hits me harder.
As I ponder how you'll be in my arms in the final mass.
Soft touch, light skin, dreamed nights.
What a weird random poem I wrote....
Hello my beautiful
It seems I just can't stay away
It's been so very long
That I've felt anything this strong
You hold my heart the way you did an hour ago
I've said all I can say and yet I must be sure you know
[Chorus]
That I love love love you
I need need need you
I long long long to hold you in my arms again
I'm so so sad to
Ever hurt hurt hurt you
I'm more afraid of losing you than anything before
(heeeeey yey yeah oh…)
(Ooo-oh oh)
[Chorus]
I love love love you
I need need need you
I long long long to hold you in my arms again
I'm so so sad to
Ever hurt hurt hurt you
I'm more afraid of losing you than anything before
Please can I have one more…hello
For once, because of that word. I'm not ending with Adieu.
I wish, I wish so badly that I knew the answer, I wish I had the courage, I wish, ugh I so wish, I could help.
I wish I could say everything I've wanted to say, I wish I could express why I love this song so much. I wish I could stop thinking altogether. I WISH... Well, I'm not going there.
Wishing, we do it so often and sometimes I don't know what the deal is, but lately, I've been wishing a lot. I feel like in a sense one of my wishes is coming true and then I'm unsure. I'm so unsure because the other part of the wish hasn't fulfilled what needs to be done for this wish to occur and I don't want to try to fulfill it because... Well honestly, I think that would complicate things and WE ALL KNOW how the definition of Doug is "complicated". I wish it wasn't. I really do. I don't even know what I'm typing, I'm just typing and it's... It makes me think this complicated thing is dumb, it makes me want to forget it and get rid of it and then the other part is telling me to pursue and to take the first few steps. Gosh, I'm dumb.
My heart is beating quickly.
Its steadiness starts continues very fast.
Every little beat hits me harder.
As I ponder how you'll be in my arms in the final mass.
Soft touch, light skin, dreamed nights.
What a weird random poem I wrote....
Hello my beautiful
It seems I just can't stay away
It's been so very long
That I've felt anything this strong
You hold my heart the way you did an hour ago
I've said all I can say and yet I must be sure you know
[Chorus]
That I love love love you
I need need need you
I long long long to hold you in my arms again
I'm so so sad to
Ever hurt hurt hurt you
I'm more afraid of losing you than anything before
(heeeeey yey yeah oh…)
(Ooo-oh oh)
[Chorus]
I love love love you
I need need need you
I long long long to hold you in my arms again
I'm so so sad to
Ever hurt hurt hurt you
I'm more afraid of losing you than anything before
Please can I have one more…hello
For once, because of that word. I'm not ending with Adieu.
At This Moment
It's really interesting. I tried figuring it out, yet as always, I'm still confused. I hope the answers reveal themselves to me very very shortly. In other news, I had a really nice Friday night, I was terrified and excited most of the day, but I'm really glad it went as well as it did.
It's so weird that today is the day. I mean nine years ago, I was in my third grade class taught by Ms. Miller. She looked really worried and kept saying how her brother was flying to New York and was terrified of flying, then the phone rang and she rushed to it and she looked so relived. She said her brother made it to his airport safely. Then I get home and my parents tried explaining to me what happened and for awhile I didn't understand it, the next year my teacher Mr. Demarco was a police officer that witnessed the accident. He put on a slideshow at our school for the one year anniversary and stated he lost his best friend. It's so weird, that we lost so many people and it was only nine years ago, because honestly, it feels like it happened before I was born.
It's really hard to express some things right now, all I can say is I'm confused. Not personally, but about certain subjects, like College, my Sensei, someone, things, I don't know? It's weird haha. I want to know these answers as soon as possible, but everything comes with time and patience. Apparently a lot of the minors from my Dojo placed within the top three and Tyler got second. I really should've been there, I wanted to compete at least a few more times or finish the season before I retire from the competition world. My voice teacher said Karate has a negative effect on my voice, my dance teacher said I can't do Dance AND karate, I need to pick one,because the technique conflicts with the other etc. What's going to happen when I go to college, I'm not going to be in Sarasota, I can't still be at the dojo. I'm not going to be a teacher forever. What am I going to do? How can I do it? Why are people constantly telling me to make a choice about everything right now? I really just want to make my own decisions and make one choice. This one choice that I think could honestly make the end of 2010 amazing, and this choice... Haha, I'm overreacting because I could just be over-analyzing it or over-thinking it... I have a habit of doing that.
Blah blah, I'm like tired and not tired. Like my eyes are heavy, but I'm not in that "I need to sleep, I have to sleep, I'm going to sleep" mode. I think I had an allergic reaction to something, so that's probably it haha. My dad asked me about College tonight and I was all "I'm making an appointment with my scholarship adviser and then I'll get back at ya!" Oh, I got a new DVD player! Woo! My other one kept pausing itself... It has a mind of it's own. I'm in much needed use of watching my favorite movies over and over again like always. :P
I always skip around in these posts >_> I just haven't been in that "Lets write about everything" mode and really I keep censoring myself about writing things because well, this isn't my livejournal.
My heart beats when you call my name
Every time you dial my phone it skips.
Sometimes small things make you appear and my mind
My hands are open with love and affection to give.
I figured this way just me being silly
Because in all truth, everyone in the world is.
But I notice now that some things could be true
We'd just have to experience us and live.
I found that the other day in my notes from school last year. It was a poem that didn't have an A, B rhythm scale and honestly I really like it. I wrote love poems for no reason and had no one to write them too, haha I'm sappy. I really got to find the rest of my poetry when I'm at my mom's house. I'm just hoping the really old stuff wasn't thrown away when I moved.
What did you think,
I would do at this moment,
When you're standing before me,
With tears in your eyes
Tryin to tell me that you
Found you another
And you just don't love me no more
And what did you think,
I would say at this moment,
When I'm faced with the knowledge,
That you just don't love me ?
Did you think I would curse you,
Or say things to hurt you,
Cause you just don't love me no more..
Did you think I could hate you
Or raise my hands to you
Oh come on you know me too well!
How could I hurt you
When darling I love you
And you know, I would never hurt you..
What do you think
I would give at this moment
If you just stay I'd subtract twenty years from my life
I'd fall down on my knees,
I kiss the ground that you walk on
If I could just hold you again
I'd fall down on my knees
Kiss the ground that you walk on baby
If I could just hold you
If I could just hold you
I would fall down, down on my knees
Oh God, please
Let me hold you, let me hold you
Again...
I'm gonna miss you, girl
I'm gonna miss you, girl
I can see the tears in your eyes, baby
I'm down, you know, I'm down on my knees
What do you think I would do, babe
Michael Buble's "At this moment"
Probably one of the most beautiful songs I have in my iTunes. It's great and so heartfelt and I don't know what it makes me feel, but I'm sure I'll find out soon enough. So many good things are happening right now and I don't want them to stop, I want them to progress and become something beautiful and some way deep inside I believe they will be beautiful and... Well, I just hope what I over-think will actually be true for once and I'm just not picking up things that I THINK are signs, that they actually ARE signs. I'll just have to be. Patient. Curiosity makes me want to know, now! :P
The Finale for this Seasons New Jersey House wives was so weird, it started with them fighting with Danielle... Like the whole season was and obviously that's entertaining. She kept running away and I swore Teresa was going to jump her bahaha. At the end Danielle, the girl who tried ruining each of their lives hugged Teresa and her eyes just instantly became "O_O" and then she hugged Jaquliene. Why would she hug Danielle? SHE'S SUING HER DAUGHTER. WHYYYYY. Anyways, you know that the situation MUST be uncomfortable when you're watching it on t.v and you yourself are getting uncomfortable. Dina left this Season and now Danielle left. Aw.... the next season might not be as fun..... Wow... Did I really just admit I watch that? Lost is over... So is SYTYCD for a year... Gray's Anatomy needs to come back on... Like now, I'm resorting to reality t.v with women fighting in my family's home state. I'm a Jersey kid :P Somehow xD
Adieu~
I need to start ending my posts with something new every week -_-;....
It's so weird that today is the day. I mean nine years ago, I was in my third grade class taught by Ms. Miller. She looked really worried and kept saying how her brother was flying to New York and was terrified of flying, then the phone rang and she rushed to it and she looked so relived. She said her brother made it to his airport safely. Then I get home and my parents tried explaining to me what happened and for awhile I didn't understand it, the next year my teacher Mr. Demarco was a police officer that witnessed the accident. He put on a slideshow at our school for the one year anniversary and stated he lost his best friend. It's so weird, that we lost so many people and it was only nine years ago, because honestly, it feels like it happened before I was born.
It's really hard to express some things right now, all I can say is I'm confused. Not personally, but about certain subjects, like College, my Sensei, someone, things, I don't know? It's weird haha. I want to know these answers as soon as possible, but everything comes with time and patience. Apparently a lot of the minors from my Dojo placed within the top three and Tyler got second. I really should've been there, I wanted to compete at least a few more times or finish the season before I retire from the competition world. My voice teacher said Karate has a negative effect on my voice, my dance teacher said I can't do Dance AND karate, I need to pick one,because the technique conflicts with the other etc. What's going to happen when I go to college, I'm not going to be in Sarasota, I can't still be at the dojo. I'm not going to be a teacher forever. What am I going to do? How can I do it? Why are people constantly telling me to make a choice about everything right now? I really just want to make my own decisions and make one choice. This one choice that I think could honestly make the end of 2010 amazing, and this choice... Haha, I'm overreacting because I could just be over-analyzing it or over-thinking it... I have a habit of doing that.
Blah blah, I'm like tired and not tired. Like my eyes are heavy, but I'm not in that "I need to sleep, I have to sleep, I'm going to sleep" mode. I think I had an allergic reaction to something, so that's probably it haha. My dad asked me about College tonight and I was all "I'm making an appointment with my scholarship adviser and then I'll get back at ya!" Oh, I got a new DVD player! Woo! My other one kept pausing itself... It has a mind of it's own. I'm in much needed use of watching my favorite movies over and over again like always. :P
I always skip around in these posts >_> I just haven't been in that "Lets write about everything" mode and really I keep censoring myself about writing things because well, this isn't my livejournal.
My heart beats when you call my name
Every time you dial my phone it skips.
Sometimes small things make you appear and my mind
My hands are open with love and affection to give.
I figured this way just me being silly
Because in all truth, everyone in the world is.
But I notice now that some things could be true
We'd just have to experience us and live.
I found that the other day in my notes from school last year. It was a poem that didn't have an A, B rhythm scale and honestly I really like it. I wrote love poems for no reason and had no one to write them too, haha I'm sappy. I really got to find the rest of my poetry when I'm at my mom's house. I'm just hoping the really old stuff wasn't thrown away when I moved.
What did you think,
I would do at this moment,
When you're standing before me,
With tears in your eyes
Tryin to tell me that you
Found you another
And you just don't love me no more
And what did you think,
I would say at this moment,
When I'm faced with the knowledge,
That you just don't love me ?
Did you think I would curse you,
Or say things to hurt you,
Cause you just don't love me no more..
Did you think I could hate you
Or raise my hands to you
Oh come on you know me too well!
How could I hurt you
When darling I love you
And you know, I would never hurt you..
What do you think
I would give at this moment
If you just stay I'd subtract twenty years from my life
I'd fall down on my knees,
I kiss the ground that you walk on
If I could just hold you again
I'd fall down on my knees
Kiss the ground that you walk on baby
If I could just hold you
If I could just hold you
I would fall down, down on my knees
Oh God, please
Let me hold you, let me hold you
Again...
I'm gonna miss you, girl
I'm gonna miss you, girl
I can see the tears in your eyes, baby
I'm down, you know, I'm down on my knees
What do you think I would do, babe
Michael Buble's "At this moment"
Probably one of the most beautiful songs I have in my iTunes. It's great and so heartfelt and I don't know what it makes me feel, but I'm sure I'll find out soon enough. So many good things are happening right now and I don't want them to stop, I want them to progress and become something beautiful and some way deep inside I believe they will be beautiful and... Well, I just hope what I over-think will actually be true for once and I'm just not picking up things that I THINK are signs, that they actually ARE signs. I'll just have to be. Patient. Curiosity makes me want to know, now! :P
The Finale for this Seasons New Jersey House wives was so weird, it started with them fighting with Danielle... Like the whole season was and obviously that's entertaining. She kept running away and I swore Teresa was going to jump her bahaha. At the end Danielle, the girl who tried ruining each of their lives hugged Teresa and her eyes just instantly became "O_O" and then she hugged Jaquliene. Why would she hug Danielle? SHE'S SUING HER DAUGHTER. WHYYYYY. Anyways, you know that the situation MUST be uncomfortable when you're watching it on t.v and you yourself are getting uncomfortable. Dina left this Season and now Danielle left. Aw.... the next season might not be as fun..... Wow... Did I really just admit I watch that? Lost is over... So is SYTYCD for a year... Gray's Anatomy needs to come back on... Like now, I'm resorting to reality t.v with women fighting in my family's home state. I'm a Jersey kid :P Somehow xD
Adieu~
I need to start ending my posts with something new every week -_-;....
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Collide
I realized tonight that I need to be a little more clear with what I write. It's coming off as something other than what I want it to be and I just need to be a little more careful.
In other words, I'm extremely confused. Like really. It's not like I don't get something, because oh boy, do I get it, but like the signs are so unclear, that's what's confusing me, haha. I'm just very unsure and I'd rather not make a fool of myself, psht, which I do often! I guess I'll have to let time play it out and hope it's what I think it is.
So am I just the only one who thought Tuesday was actually Monday? Curse you Labor day for messing up my sleep and school schedule! It's 2:23 am and I'm not asleep... I haven't done homework. I think I'm gonna try to go to beg by 4, that'd be lovely. I can function on two hours of sleep, but I can't with no sleep two days in a row! Plus, I'm missing AP Lit tomorrow, so I don't really think I need to worry about that essay until Friday. Darn you Guidance appointments, you and your College appointments, youuuu.
It's really weird, like when I have to do an essay, normally I can just BAM, there it is, but this essay HAS to be special and I know that if I put too much thought into it, it'll just be a "tried really hard essay". I mean, this essay depends on my life, right? I decided to pick the prompt "Some sort of Artwork that has influenced your life" and it's really tough, because there's so much art that's made me who I was. Obviously, I can't say a SYTYCD dance made me who I am, but I can certainly thank Dance itself, or something that I've been involved with for many years, like Music, or Karate, acting? I'm just so confused, like what do I do? I stopped playing Piano when I was 9-10, so I can't use that. Hmm, this is something that I'll really have to ponder.
In acting last week we had to each stare into a mirror and write what we saw. I did three poems, each being what I first saw. My hair and eyes was the first, the second time I looked up I saw Pamela in the reflection looking at me and she turned away suddenly, so I "poetically" wrote about how the more I turned my mirror the more windows and doors it showed into others lives and the last one was about. Scars. They've told me how proud they are of me for finally getting rid of my "severe" acne problem, I'm really glad because it was getting to the point where I was almost risking getting cast, or worse, not being in the program or Cabaret at all, but I still see the scars on me and I dunno, I just wrote about it. Anyways, they all came out nice, in my opinion and then we anonymously turned them in. He printed them out and we all read them to the class, I happened to leave mine in the file cabinet with my Mirrors packet... So I should bring it home tomorrow and tweak them and submit them on this ol' blog here. Get some sort of response :P
So I have something important to sa--- My fan.... I'm going to destroy my ceiling Fan. The light thingy, is a bit loose so every now and then it shakes and makes this awful noise and for some reason, IT'S ALWAYS WHEN I'M TRYING TO SLEEP OR DOING HOMEWORK. Hahahaha :P That Ceiling fan hates me. First it rips my nail off, now it distracts me.
Apparently I'm cute and sexy! Yay! I can check that off my list xD
-Checks "get called some sort of attractive" off list-
I'm quiet, you know.
You make a first impression.
I found I'm scared to know, I'm always on your mind.
Well even the best fall down sometimes, even the stars refuse to shine.
And out of the back you fall in time, somehow find, you and I. Collide.
Don't stop here and I lost my place and I'm close behind.
Such a lovely song written by Howie Day.
Why do I ALWAYS listen to music when I write in you Mr. Blog?
Why is the sky blue?
Why am I talking to a blog... Wow I need sleep. Haha, hey it showed how silly I am. Accomplishment! Woo!
Adieu!
In other words, I'm extremely confused. Like really. It's not like I don't get something, because oh boy, do I get it, but like the signs are so unclear, that's what's confusing me, haha. I'm just very unsure and I'd rather not make a fool of myself, psht, which I do often! I guess I'll have to let time play it out and hope it's what I think it is.
So am I just the only one who thought Tuesday was actually Monday? Curse you Labor day for messing up my sleep and school schedule! It's 2:23 am and I'm not asleep... I haven't done homework. I think I'm gonna try to go to beg by 4, that'd be lovely. I can function on two hours of sleep, but I can't with no sleep two days in a row! Plus, I'm missing AP Lit tomorrow, so I don't really think I need to worry about that essay until Friday. Darn you Guidance appointments, you and your College appointments, youuuu.
It's really weird, like when I have to do an essay, normally I can just BAM, there it is, but this essay HAS to be special and I know that if I put too much thought into it, it'll just be a "tried really hard essay". I mean, this essay depends on my life, right? I decided to pick the prompt "Some sort of Artwork that has influenced your life" and it's really tough, because there's so much art that's made me who I was. Obviously, I can't say a SYTYCD dance made me who I am, but I can certainly thank Dance itself, or something that I've been involved with for many years, like Music, or Karate, acting? I'm just so confused, like what do I do? I stopped playing Piano when I was 9-10, so I can't use that. Hmm, this is something that I'll really have to ponder.
In acting last week we had to each stare into a mirror and write what we saw. I did three poems, each being what I first saw. My hair and eyes was the first, the second time I looked up I saw Pamela in the reflection looking at me and she turned away suddenly, so I "poetically" wrote about how the more I turned my mirror the more windows and doors it showed into others lives and the last one was about. Scars. They've told me how proud they are of me for finally getting rid of my "severe" acne problem, I'm really glad because it was getting to the point where I was almost risking getting cast, or worse, not being in the program or Cabaret at all, but I still see the scars on me and I dunno, I just wrote about it. Anyways, they all came out nice, in my opinion and then we anonymously turned them in. He printed them out and we all read them to the class, I happened to leave mine in the file cabinet with my Mirrors packet... So I should bring it home tomorrow and tweak them and submit them on this ol' blog here. Get some sort of response :P
So I have something important to sa--- My fan.... I'm going to destroy my ceiling Fan. The light thingy, is a bit loose so every now and then it shakes and makes this awful noise and for some reason, IT'S ALWAYS WHEN I'M TRYING TO SLEEP OR DOING HOMEWORK. Hahahaha :P That Ceiling fan hates me. First it rips my nail off, now it distracts me.
Apparently I'm cute and sexy! Yay! I can check that off my list xD
-Checks "get called some sort of attractive" off list-
I'm quiet, you know.
You make a first impression.
I found I'm scared to know, I'm always on your mind.
Well even the best fall down sometimes, even the stars refuse to shine.
And out of the back you fall in time, somehow find, you and I. Collide.
Don't stop here and I lost my place and I'm close behind.
Such a lovely song written by Howie Day.
Why do I ALWAYS listen to music when I write in you Mr. Blog?
Why is the sky blue?
Why am I talking to a blog... Wow I need sleep. Haha, hey it showed how silly I am. Accomplishment! Woo!
Adieu!
Monday, September 6, 2010
You and I
I really just want to walk outside, throw my arms up in the air and scream, like actually scream. I feel like it would so benefit me right now; of course my neighbors would think I was mentally insane or something.
Anyways, my weekend has been amazing, I didn't get to see Chris at work and I missed Ballet, I barely did homework, but the time I spent with friends was so great and honestly, I wish every day would be more like that. Going out to eat with birthday girls, sitting in the park, climbing trees, seeing a movie with my dad, eating dinner with my mom, talking on the phone late at night with childhood friends, hearing from my sister. It all sounds so amazing and then... Annoyance happens, hmph, it always does.
I don't know whether to believe you or hold your words really tightly to my heart, but sometimes the things you say are so like fairy tails. I just don't think it'll happen anymore. If I could blame myself anymore than I already do, or take back what I did, I would, trust me, I would, but making me hope EVEN MORE than I do, is ridiculous. It'll get to the point where I won't believe in it anymore and I don't ever want that to happen.
I just want things to go my way for once, that sounds so selfish and I hate myself for saying it, but when will it be my time to shine in this "lime light" that someone else is always shining in? I don't know, maybe it'll happen soon, either way, right now. I'm happy and I want it to stay that way.
I have this bad problem. I make promises. Now, I know I can keep them, but something happens and I end up hurting the person and I just feel bad and I keep making these promises. When am I going to learn?
This isn't a long post. Shed some light on me, really.
Lady Gaga, I'm so glad you made such a beautiful R&B song.
It’s been a long time since I came around
It’s been along time but I’m back in town
But this time I’m not leaving without you
You taste like whiskey when you kiss me oooh
I’ll give up anything again to be your baby doll
Yeah this time I’m not leaving without you
Anyways, my weekend has been amazing, I didn't get to see Chris at work and I missed Ballet, I barely did homework, but the time I spent with friends was so great and honestly, I wish every day would be more like that. Going out to eat with birthday girls, sitting in the park, climbing trees, seeing a movie with my dad, eating dinner with my mom, talking on the phone late at night with childhood friends, hearing from my sister. It all sounds so amazing and then... Annoyance happens, hmph, it always does.
I don't know whether to believe you or hold your words really tightly to my heart, but sometimes the things you say are so like fairy tails. I just don't think it'll happen anymore. If I could blame myself anymore than I already do, or take back what I did, I would, trust me, I would, but making me hope EVEN MORE than I do, is ridiculous. It'll get to the point where I won't believe in it anymore and I don't ever want that to happen.
I just want things to go my way for once, that sounds so selfish and I hate myself for saying it, but when will it be my time to shine in this "lime light" that someone else is always shining in? I don't know, maybe it'll happen soon, either way, right now. I'm happy and I want it to stay that way.
I have this bad problem. I make promises. Now, I know I can keep them, but something happens and I end up hurting the person and I just feel bad and I keep making these promises. When am I going to learn?
This isn't a long post. Shed some light on me, really.
Lady Gaga, I'm so glad you made such a beautiful R&B song.
It’s been a long time since I came around
It’s been along time but I’m back in town
But this time I’m not leaving without you
You taste like whiskey when you kiss me oooh
I’ll give up anything again to be your baby doll
Yeah this time I’m not leaving without you
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Cannonball
Before I start, if anyone has been trying to post comments, I had it set for "Only registered users" and I realized that's well... Unfair, so now anyone can post, anonymous or not.
Besides the fact that I just walked into my bedroom door, for some reason, I have a lot to talk about now.
It's not that I feel a bit stressed as I do worried about trivial things. I'm extremely worried about my work load with school, which is hilarious because I have more than enough time to do all these things, I'm just a bit lazy and I'm very much so worried about my craft and how much effort I put into perfecting it. For some reason, whenever I show someone my dancing or singing, I always feel bad afterwords, like I regret it, like I feel like I could've done better or I did something wrong, or my performance lacked and then I realize, that's just me being harsh on myself because in truth, I am my worst judge.
So... Political Law? Where did my mother come up with that? I've NEVER heard her say that and she wants me to go into it none the less. I'm a little skeptical and I'm going to look into it, but I'm certainly not deciding on my major right now. I want to find it myself, whether it be dance, music theory, Literature or Child Psychology, it's always going to be up to me and I'm glad I have that freedom to decide, but wow, haha, what a surprise. It's a better suggestion than my grandmothers "Be a teacher, you're good at it!" idea!
I'm listening to my "cute" little iPod, which I call cute because literally ALL of my friends have an iTouch, which haha isn't that important to me, I'm happy with my purple little contraption. Anyways, I'm listening to my iPod and I do have the whole Damien Rice album, but that was only because I NEEDED the bonus track of Prague, clearly I didn't want the whole thing, haha, but sometimes I hear a song and go "How did THAT get on my iPod" and like it and it happens to be part of that album. As I was typing this, a neat little line came from Damien Rice's song "Cannonball" and it goes "Stones taught me to fly. Love taught me to lie, life taught me to die. So it's not harmful when you float like a cannonball" What an interesting line! Obviously cannonballs don't float :P Which makes me want to go more in depth with the song and understand every little thing he's trying to say. So far I'm getting that he had to win back a lover and it's pretty beautiful. So I started singing with the chorus and then it changed and became even better. "Stones taught me to fly. Love taught me to cry. So come on Courage, teach me to be shy. Cause it's not hard to fall and I don't want to scare her, cause it's not hard to fall and I don't want to lose, and it's not hard to grow, when you know that you just... Don't know." Honestly, I'm extremely impressed with this song right now, I for sure recommend.
So I realized nothing is coming to mind, I started off wanting to speak and now... It's gone. My posts really seem to be all over the place, don't they?
I always get into moods, like not angry or sad or something, like in the mood to listen to a specific song or watch a specific movie. Donnie Darko, I was so entranced that I needed to find where I put that DVD and when I watched it I found out why I needed to remorse myself in that brilliant concepts and film that is that movie. The whole movie the boy is trying to find who he is and by the end of the movie sacrifices himself for the one's he truly loves. What a huge step to take, risking one's own life(In a sense going back in time to stop him from meeting the people he loved) so they would never encounter the things they did while in his company. Such a brilliant movie and by the end, he knows who he is and what he has to do, how lucky of him right? Out of all the people in the world, this character was given to liberty to find his purpose before the age of 18. Anyways, I really want to watch "Spirited Away" and of course... I don't own that movie, I'll have to figure something out, haha.
I really need to personalize this more, add a picture slideshow or more artwork, something, you know? Right now I have like five songs and that just isn't enough to outwardly express who I am, if anyone has any ideas, sure, let me know!
I'm listening to Sideshow now. "I want." This is the song where Terry decides that he DOES want one of the Hilton Twins, but like Buddy doesn't want to go after it because of their condition. So he sings about how he wants her alone and all to himself and nothing between them, then there's a dance sequence and him and Violet share a dance(without her twin sister attached) then he realizes how it'll never happen and her twin rejoins her, I don't know. This song sort of speaks to me and always has, not because of my feelings towards someone, that isn't it at all. It's the bond they had mentally without even expressing it that amazes me and honestly, I wish one day I can come across that as well.
"An obvious connection,
I tried to push a side,
Into the corner of the darkest shelf. We'll never be alone.
And my feelings can't be shown, so I tried to imagine and replay,
all the things, I'll never get to say. Your wrapped up with another, tangled and in twined. I invent a separation. In the private conversation. In. My. Mind. I resolve to say it all, that I am and haw and stall, for how can I come clean or confine. Someone else is ALWAYS at your side. I want. I want. I want to tell you. I want. I want to get you alone. I need. I need. I need to tell you, I want you for my own. If we could steal a moment, would you be so inclined, to accept an invitation to the private conversation in my mind."
Then she comes in, sings back and they enjoy a dance only for him to realize everything. Such a heart clutching moment.
I had a really nice morning, it was a lot of fun haha. I'm really tired now though, I went to bed at 7 pm last night, then woke up at 12, showered, ate, watched T.V went to bed at 2, dogs woke me up at 4, laid in bed in that "Half asleep state" until I got a text at 8, then I scrambled to get dressed haha. I don't know what to do with the rest of my day! I missed ballet and I'm tired, so I should nap or something, but I figured, I could always do that homework... Or get my permit... I'll probably touch base with that soon and do some college research. Sounds good to me. I'm really excited for a nice weekend. Finally. EDIT: I ended up doing my Virtual school final and did poorly, it brought my grade from a 99 to an 89, DISLIKE, I messaged my teacher begging for a second chance. Tomorrow I'm gonna do some college research and start typing my summer assignment(Due in October, weird, right?)
Gosh, this blog doesn't show how silly I am.
Adieu.
Might I add I've for some reason started ending my posts with "Adieu" obviously this is French! But what I didn't know was that the word "Adieu" is in a sense the French version of "Godspeed" meaning "Leave with God at your side" I had no idea that simple word had such a nice beautiful meaning, how gorgeous.
Besides the fact that I just walked into my bedroom door, for some reason, I have a lot to talk about now.
It's not that I feel a bit stressed as I do worried about trivial things. I'm extremely worried about my work load with school, which is hilarious because I have more than enough time to do all these things, I'm just a bit lazy and I'm very much so worried about my craft and how much effort I put into perfecting it. For some reason, whenever I show someone my dancing or singing, I always feel bad afterwords, like I regret it, like I feel like I could've done better or I did something wrong, or my performance lacked and then I realize, that's just me being harsh on myself because in truth, I am my worst judge.
So... Political Law? Where did my mother come up with that? I've NEVER heard her say that and she wants me to go into it none the less. I'm a little skeptical and I'm going to look into it, but I'm certainly not deciding on my major right now. I want to find it myself, whether it be dance, music theory, Literature or Child Psychology, it's always going to be up to me and I'm glad I have that freedom to decide, but wow, haha, what a surprise. It's a better suggestion than my grandmothers "Be a teacher, you're good at it!" idea!
I'm listening to my "cute" little iPod, which I call cute because literally ALL of my friends have an iTouch, which haha isn't that important to me, I'm happy with my purple little contraption. Anyways, I'm listening to my iPod and I do have the whole Damien Rice album, but that was only because I NEEDED the bonus track of Prague, clearly I didn't want the whole thing, haha, but sometimes I hear a song and go "How did THAT get on my iPod" and like it and it happens to be part of that album. As I was typing this, a neat little line came from Damien Rice's song "Cannonball" and it goes "Stones taught me to fly. Love taught me to lie, life taught me to die. So it's not harmful when you float like a cannonball" What an interesting line! Obviously cannonballs don't float :P Which makes me want to go more in depth with the song and understand every little thing he's trying to say. So far I'm getting that he had to win back a lover and it's pretty beautiful. So I started singing with the chorus and then it changed and became even better. "Stones taught me to fly. Love taught me to cry. So come on Courage, teach me to be shy. Cause it's not hard to fall and I don't want to scare her, cause it's not hard to fall and I don't want to lose, and it's not hard to grow, when you know that you just... Don't know." Honestly, I'm extremely impressed with this song right now, I for sure recommend.
So I realized nothing is coming to mind, I started off wanting to speak and now... It's gone. My posts really seem to be all over the place, don't they?
I always get into moods, like not angry or sad or something, like in the mood to listen to a specific song or watch a specific movie. Donnie Darko, I was so entranced that I needed to find where I put that DVD and when I watched it I found out why I needed to remorse myself in that brilliant concepts and film that is that movie. The whole movie the boy is trying to find who he is and by the end of the movie sacrifices himself for the one's he truly loves. What a huge step to take, risking one's own life(In a sense going back in time to stop him from meeting the people he loved) so they would never encounter the things they did while in his company. Such a brilliant movie and by the end, he knows who he is and what he has to do, how lucky of him right? Out of all the people in the world, this character was given to liberty to find his purpose before the age of 18. Anyways, I really want to watch "Spirited Away" and of course... I don't own that movie, I'll have to figure something out, haha.
I really need to personalize this more, add a picture slideshow or more artwork, something, you know? Right now I have like five songs and that just isn't enough to outwardly express who I am, if anyone has any ideas, sure, let me know!
I'm listening to Sideshow now. "I want." This is the song where Terry decides that he DOES want one of the Hilton Twins, but like Buddy doesn't want to go after it because of their condition. So he sings about how he wants her alone and all to himself and nothing between them, then there's a dance sequence and him and Violet share a dance(without her twin sister attached) then he realizes how it'll never happen and her twin rejoins her, I don't know. This song sort of speaks to me and always has, not because of my feelings towards someone, that isn't it at all. It's the bond they had mentally without even expressing it that amazes me and honestly, I wish one day I can come across that as well.
"An obvious connection,
I tried to push a side,
Into the corner of the darkest shelf. We'll never be alone.
And my feelings can't be shown, so I tried to imagine and replay,
all the things, I'll never get to say. Your wrapped up with another, tangled and in twined. I invent a separation. In the private conversation. In. My. Mind. I resolve to say it all, that I am and haw and stall, for how can I come clean or confine. Someone else is ALWAYS at your side. I want. I want. I want to tell you. I want. I want to get you alone. I need. I need. I need to tell you, I want you for my own. If we could steal a moment, would you be so inclined, to accept an invitation to the private conversation in my mind."
Then she comes in, sings back and they enjoy a dance only for him to realize everything. Such a heart clutching moment.
I had a really nice morning, it was a lot of fun haha. I'm really tired now though, I went to bed at 7 pm last night, then woke up at 12, showered, ate, watched T.V went to bed at 2, dogs woke me up at 4, laid in bed in that "Half asleep state" until I got a text at 8, then I scrambled to get dressed haha. I don't know what to do with the rest of my day! I missed ballet and I'm tired, so I should nap or something, but I figured, I could always do that homework... Or get my permit... I'll probably touch base with that soon and do some college research. Sounds good to me. I'm really excited for a nice weekend. Finally. EDIT: I ended up doing my Virtual school final and did poorly, it brought my grade from a 99 to an 89, DISLIKE, I messaged my teacher begging for a second chance. Tomorrow I'm gonna do some college research and start typing my summer assignment(Due in October, weird, right?)
Gosh, this blog doesn't show how silly I am.
Adieu.
Might I add I've for some reason started ending my posts with "Adieu" obviously this is French! But what I didn't know was that the word "Adieu" is in a sense the French version of "Godspeed" meaning "Leave with God at your side" I had no idea that simple word had such a nice beautiful meaning, how gorgeous.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Long Story Short
There is so much anger that I want to outwardly express on this blog right now, but obviously, obviously I can't.
All I have to say is, it's better to be honest and that I'm glad Summer 2010 is over with. I gained two friends, lost two friends and one of them I cared about with so much power, but hey, they want you to disappear, that's what they want. UGH GREAT.
All I have to say is, it's better to be honest and that I'm glad Summer 2010 is over with. I gained two friends, lost two friends and one of them I cared about with so much power, but hey, they want you to disappear, that's what they want. UGH GREAT.
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