I really hate this feeling. I hate the feeling where you feel like someone doesn't really like you and everything is a lie. Or that they're feeling something else and not telling you.

I really hate that feeling >:

Feel

I often find myself (in my strange moodswings) feeling this way late at night.

What's it take to be attractive? I mean, not the attractive where people just open their mouths and gawk at you(That'd be nice too...) but the attractive that just has that naturally drawing nature to it.
The attraction where you just see the person and want to step towards them. How can you obtain that?
I'm constantly changing my looks, changing and buying clothes that fit, are too big, aren't me at all, to become something I don't even know I am.

What will it take to get that feel. That inspiring feel I get when I look at people. Who knows?

Stay. Out.

Might I throw out there.
I'm not ruining the life of anyone, nor am I lying. You're dreaming.

If I don't deserve him to you, who does?
You once said Tyler didn't. etc any of his other ex's

Is it you?

Also, tell me, since you obviously know everything about me, my business, my life. Everything.
How can I be a better person? Since in your eyes I am not one, but in the eyes of the people I love and that love me, I must also not be one.
I should ask them, all my Pine view, Booker, Work, Dance friends. I should ask them if they like the kind of person I am and I'll get back to you.

But as of now, tell me, how can I be a better person?

Stay out of my business.
Or I'll get in yours.

What.

Do I go to Oakland University, get a whole new life, experience college, double major in dance and something else?


Or do I go to community college over the summer and first semester and transfer to University of Tampa or continue until I can transfer into USF...

What do I do? Do I want to stay near home or not? I'm having constant mood swings about this and it sucks. Will they wait for me if I go to Oakland, what's keeping them from cheating? What if they find someone else...

What do I do?

What do I do.

The worst part about College is choosing one. I have no clue where I want to go or what I want to be, I know I want to do Musical Theatre, okay, I know I want to dance... Okay... I know I want a career besides that... Okay... So does this mean 8 years of school and where? Do I go to different university's? Do I just do a career choice and do community theatre and studio work?


Would I always just be stuck in a studio etc?

I don't know if I want to be a professional dancer, obviously with my new diagnosis(via doctor) I can't be a dancer for ever, or long and as musical theatre goes, I'm not normally that talented when it comes to that. The saying goes "There's always someone better than you" and it's always very very apparent with me.

I just really don't know, I really don't know. I considered doing community college for two years and trying to figure everything out, but that's still a rough and tough choice. Would I regret that?

Oakland's dance program had nice halls, yet, they're primarily Modern based. I don't really like modern... They teach Jazz and ballet, but yet again, I wouldn't be getting a lot of strength in that.

Their musical theatre program, I have yet to hear back from and apparently it's a really good one, where they set up the seniors for success, but, do I want that. Do I want to dual major in those two programs and not have a career if I gain weight, get in an accident, lose a leg, etc. What do I do?

I'm in a constant mood of up and down trying to figure out what to do and it's effecting me way too much.